When Big Boys Don’t Cry
Posted by Todorasa | Filed under Depression, Men's Issues, Mental Health
Men don’t cope well with grief as a rule. How can you help a man deal with grief and find the healing he needs? It’s in the nature of a man to want to be in control, by letting him know that his mourning is a step toward the goal of healing, you help him to find that sense of control
Our society has placed clear expectations and requirements upon our roles as men and women. Boys learn quickly what is considered inappropriate behavior through such statements as, “Stand up and take it like a man.”. From their earliest days the pressure is on to suppress their emotions, project strength and confidence, and grin and bear it through all kinds of pain and sorrow. What happens when boys reach adulthood? The messages become contradictory. You will find many grieving families in which only the wife and children are crying, and worried because Dad isn’t crying. Yet if he does, they get upset. Although a wife may be relieved that her partner is able to grieve, she may fear that his tears somehow lessen him as the stalwart of strength she holds him to be. Thus, men are criticised when they don’t grieve, and their masculinity is questioned when they do. Men have been taught to hide their tears, and to replace their sadness with anger. Women have been shamed out of their anger and use the strength of tears in grief, men must learn to use their strength of anger to move into their tears.
